Noodle Knobs

The Daddy: Losing Everything on the DVR- Dire Situation or Wow, We Sure Have Relied on Television a LOT Lately…?

The Momma: Can’t it be both? We’ve absolutely been using the TV more lately, true. Which is what makes it so dire!

D: Ha, that was what I was thinking. For all our talk about how much we weren’t going to let him watch too much television, it certainly seems to have become indispensable.

M: 6am on a Saturday morning in particular, I have ZERO problems acquiescing to the cries for Superwhy or Woody or Megamind (I’m crying now thinking of those all being gone! GONE! Damn DVR erasing all our shows).

D: Seriously, maybe it took losing it all to make us realize how addicted we’ve become to having it on, but at the same time, I still don’t think we’re overindulging the kid. I still stand by my belief that he’s gonna grow up with more screen interaction than we ever will. And while we need to monitor how much is happening at this early age in terms of brain development, I still maintain that it isn’t too much of a problem.

M: I also think it’s really interesting how suddenly his television watching is MUCH more interactive. He sings along, he answers (as best he can) the call and response, he dances, he looks for answers, he empathizes. It’s definitely not just a lump on a log watching.

D: No, I agree. It isn’t a passive brain dulling experience, especially when during dinner time, he’ll reiterate the Yo Gabba Gabba “try it, like it!” in his awesome little way. He’s retaining and learning the stuff, which is why I almost feel like there’s nothing wrong with, if not an added bonus for him to watch the educational shows that he does. It’s weird, 100 years ago, educational television as an interactive learning aid would have been marveled at, but we’re stuck with addressing the over-abuse stereotype of parents that just plop their kid down in front to go drive to the store or smoke crack or whatever.

M: Seriously. This is one of those things I really don’t worry about anymore. Plus, you KNOW our kid isn’t in danger anytime soon of not getting enough physical activity, so we can ignore that argument as well. The TV is less and less something I worry about, in general terms. We’ll have to deal with content appropriateness stuff as he grows up, but let’s save that fretting for another day.

D: No, indeed the problem lately is losing the shows he wants to watch to the failures of a cable company. I do find it interesting how fixated he’ll get on a particular show. He’ll be all hardcore for something after watching it a few times, and then you go and suggest his other favorite, and he’ll lose his mind to want to watch the brand new show. The next day, something totally different. Of course there are the sticky faves, Pixar’s Cars and the like, but the individual shows seem to be sporadic, and for some reason, this is comforting to me. Dunno why though.

M: I like to see that his tastes change and flux, that it’s not just the same thing over and over. Until it is, of course.
M: And I’m royally pissed that the DVR has left us without ANY of his favorites as backup. Grumble grumble.

D: One more reason to consider moving straight to all internet-based on demand TV. Maybe as the kid’s evolution of television consumption evolves, so too should our delivery system. Last thing we want is to be behind the digital curve!

M: True. We’ve been discussing it more, and maybe this is the push we need to really consider it. But until then, Saturday morning is gonna HURT.

D: Luckily, the weekends are the days he gets his “uneducational” TV shows remember? The Cars DVD to the rescue! We’ve got a temporary reprieve for the moment.

M: Thank goodness for Cars!

D: Amen!

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The Daddy: Fathers as Childcare According to the Census Bureau-WTF? or Seriously, WTF???!?!??

The Momma: These are the kinds of things that make my head explode. Because OH MY GOD IT IS 2012 WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING LIKE FATHERS ARE BABYSITTING WHEN THEY TAKE CARE OF THEIR KIDS?
M: Sorry. I clearly get worked up about this.

D: No, I’m totally with you, but then I don’t have the added rage of being a woman in a “modern” day where they’re still expected to be some Little House on the Prairie housewife type of stereotypical bullshit thing. Isn’t this 2012? Who’s making these decisions?

M: Well, it’s twofold for me. Yes, I get SUPREMELY agitated and pissed at the idea that ONLY women are able to parent. It’s part of what leads to discrimination against moms in the workplace (where dads don’t face the same thing), societal misogyny, and probably helps the mommy wars thrive. But it also bothers me because I think it both lets men off the hook and completely ignores their capabilities as parents. As much as I want to be recognized for the work I’m able at doing outside the home (and, by the way, that I’m damn good at), I want men to be recognized for the work they are able to do in the home (like you, who, by the way, is damn good at it).

D: That’s the aggravating part on my sex’s front: it also seems a little degrading to men in the implication that: Fathers who stay at home to take care of their kids are these poor helpless creatures for whom the job is “even more work” than for a woman, who is naturally designed to pump out babies and be a mommy, and serve her husband a martini when he walks in the door. Just as I think what I do is important, and the situation that defines our life, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t hold you to this standard that you’re “expected” to be a housemommy, with all the baggage and trappings that go along. Parents parent their children. It’s a two part deal. If it’s two dads, two moms, or a mom and a dad, there are obligations on both sides. Neither side is “more important” either, just different.

M: That’s the crux of it. Parent’s parent, or should. Why are we making these distinctions? WHYYYYYY?

D: I feel like over the past few years we’ve taken a step back in terms of women’s equality. That’s probably a whole ‘nother topic, but this whole census issue just seems so strange. I guess my biggest issue goes back to the implication that men and women each have a specific “place” in society, which in 2012, just seems bananas. Granted, I’m an art guy, who’s not the typical “manly man” in all that entails, but frankly, I think that’s a good thing. Too many problems arise in life when these labels and expectations are wrapped around people, because they simply don’t account for the real world. Not every woman wants to (or can) just stay home and be a mommy and not every man wants to watch sports and leave the parenting to Mommy. People are too unique to have to face up to these expectations, and I think it’s where a lot of strife comes in marriages and with family.

M: Well, and it goes beyond the individual marriages and family. Think about it–if this is how a government institution is looking at the roles of parenting, is it any wonder we don’t have better maternity leaves, or support for nursing/pumping moms, or family friendly companies? Because if the government is focusing on this disparity, why would there be any governmental support for policies and programs that help working moms?

D: Well you know, working moms are the anomaly. If they REALLY cared about their families, they’d be at home raising their children. Of course I’m kidding. I don’t understand this continued war against women. It’s 2012 and so many of this country’s policies and attitudes seem firmly grounded in the 1920s. The fact that women earn less, have fewer individual rights and this new disparity are all a little terrifying for the state of a woman, and I’m a dude! I can’t imagine the constant frustration you and your feminine ilk must face every freaking day.

M: I think that’s part of why this bothers me so much. I’m sure a lot of people are going to say, “what? It’s just a terminology thing, it’s just a phrase.” But the thing is, words and the attitudes behind them have power. By basically saying dads are babysitters, the government is just perpetrating the stereotypes that in 2012, just don’t make any sense to me.

D: See, but it ISN’T just terminology. Because there shouldn’t be a separate term. If a mom stays home to raise her kid, or a dad does it, there should be no difference. I think some of the danger comes from ironically, the discussion by some moms that “being a mom” is one of the most magical things on earth, and what they really mean is “being a stay-at-home mom.” Because I think these same moms, if the roles were reversed, wouldn’t be too keen on the idea of going to work while Dad stays home to raise the child, and you have to wonder how that factors into play. What about dads who want nothing better than to stay home and raise the kid they themselves love so much? Do they not get the same wish for that magical experience? In this way, some moms take on the same idiosyncratic stereotypes that are the ammunition for the other side of the argument. Is the argument then made that “well, it’s different because I’m his/her mom”? If it’s a “mom’s place” to be home with her child, because as a woman she’s naturally “more suited” to the experience than men, why would legislation that says the same be a problem? That opens up a whole new Pandora’s Box that will have to be addressed if people REALLY want to examine all sides of this. (For the record, I obviously don’t agree with this viewpoint, let it be clear that I’m offering a devil’s advocate argument.)

M: That IS quite the Pandora’s Box, and perhaps best addressed another time. But at the crux of what you said, and what we’ve been getting at–it DOES matter. The terminology matters, because the reality is that parenting is parenting is parenting no matter which partner is doing. Calling it something different for one of us than the other creates a whole host of issues that it’s really long past time for us to have moved on from.

D: Hear, hear!

M: What do you think, readers? Do you have an opinion on the matter, one way or the other? We’d love to hear your thoughts!

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The Daddy: Toddlerhood- Not Always a Total Pain in the Ass, or Damn, He Can Really Be Adorable Sometimes!

The Momma: You know, in the day to day slog, sometimes it’s easy to let the struggle overshadow the awesome, but really, sometimes toddlers are awesome.

D: Super Sugary Alert!!
D: I listen to a few podcasts, and other places I find people I admire chatting away, and the topic often comes up that people without kids don’t want to hear about them. I get some of the STFU Parents rants, but the honest truth is that there is very little I’ve experienced that breaks open your heart into a new level of warmth and happiness than when the kid makes me smile. It’s simply a feeling that was unmatched before his birth, much as I love you and our relationship.

M: Exactly. I mean, you’re great, and our relationship is great, but he? Well, he’s so much more than great. Even when he’s being VERY TWO, one little giggle out of that kid is enough to make my heart burst. I think that’s the thing too, that you can’t possibly explain that to anyone who doesn’t have kids. It doesn’t necessarily make any logical sense, that even in the midst of tantrums and diapers you can have this thing that is so amazing.

D: People equate the feeling to the pleasure in owning a dog sometimes, which is just batshit crazy to me. I mean, WE own a dog and the feeling isn’t even close. I know part of it is the fact that you are responsible for keeping it alive, but the joy a kid brings is far different than any pet. Seeing that love and joy come through is palpable. And tells us he’s “happy!” It never ceases to make me think about myself and my own happiness. No dog’s gonna do that.

M: Yeah, when he goes through and lists everyone in the family who is happy it’s one of the sappiest sweet things ever.
M: I have to say, I complain a lot about parenting (uh, like everything else), in part because he’s not an “easy” kid. But DAMN is he a happy one.
M: And that’s just such a fantastic thing, an awesome JOY, that I can’t help but be insanely grateful that he’s in our lives. (could I possibly be any more saccharine?)

D: No, I get you. It’s really hard to talk about without sounding like you’re barfing up rainbows and glitter, but it’s true. Maybe there’s something to that as well. I know it’s been the case for me, that the new experience of him in my life has caused me to rethink a lot of my super hard wired cynicism and negativity. Don’t get me wrong, I can still get pretty snarky (as you well know) but there’s a new level of…something that’s come directly from his positive influence in our lives. I would hesitate to call it maturity, because that sounds grown up and responsible and shit.

M: Heaven forbid!
M: If nothing else, it’s at least a chance to look at the world through the lens of someone that is experiencing everything new. It’s so much more exciting and awesome when you don’t have all the baggage, you know? And it’s easy to get caught up in his enthusiasm for the littlest things…which can lead to perhaps a little perspective on what’s worth negativity and what’s not.

D: There’s a weird recurring theme since the birth of the kid of all the tropes you’ve heard your whole life about the “fresh perspective of a child” and “simple pleasures” etc. that I was trying to resist. There’s a reason some things are stereotypes, and again, it comes back to that not knowing, pre-child that causes a cynical or at least…ignorant viewpoint of what it means to have a child. Once it happens, once you’re in that new existence, there’s no going back, and all those hackneyed sayings start to have real meaning, instead of just cheesy Precious Moments cards. Granted, we don’t veer down that cheesy road too often, but still some experiences are unavoidable.

M: I think nature provides us with those heart bursting moments to keep us from throwing the kids to the wolves when they’re in the middle of a 20 minute screaming fit. So you know, it all balances out.

D: Nature’s playing for keeps on this one then, because it works incredibly well. I guess the happy feeling HAS to be intense to balance the other side: the most impatient and frustrated we’ve ever been in our entire lives.

M: Hey, no one ever said it would be ALL lollipops and unicorns!

D: No, but the lollipops and unicorns we’ve had have been pretty fantastic. Makes the other stuff worth it.
Wait, did I actually just say that?

M: See? This parenthood thing CHANGES YOU man!

D: No! I’m holding on to my youth! No! I’m an immature kid! La La La La La!!!

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