The Daddy: Scary Croup Breathing- Terrifying as All Hell? or OhMyGodOhMyGodWhatTheFUCKIsGoingOn!?!
The Momma: Throw in a dash of MAH BEYBEE CAN’T BREATHE! and I think you’ve got it nailed there.
D: Man, what a nightmare! To be fair, we didn’t have to deal with the progression stage, where the kid actually starts turning blue. I think I might have had a heart attack if so.
M: In case our fair readers can’t tell, we recently had a case of croup over here, in all its terrifying middle of the night glory. Nothing gets the parental adrenaline flowing like your kid not being able to get their breath. And that damn BARK. That noise is just horrible.
D: Imagine the sound of a seal with a shoe stuck in its throat and its head stuck in a bucket, trying to bark for help, all while having an asthma attack. And then picture that the seal isn’t some random seal, but your favorite human helpless child, struggling to breathe. Hor. If. Fy. Ing.
M: Seriously horrifying. Like I said, 1am adrenaline rush type horrifying.
D: My bigger freakout after the fact was that I kind of had no clue what to do, and you instinctively had that one covered. Went outside to get some fresh cold air, then into the hot steamy shower, and I’m calling the New Parent Emergency Freakout Assistance Line™ who then instructs me to do everything you’ve already taken care of. And she goes on to praise US that we’re doing everything correctly, as if I had it all planned out. Those kinds of situations give me nightmares, like how much DON’T I know about what to do in emergencies.
M: To be fair, I totally just remembered what my mom had told me to do last time she was here and he got a similar (but not as severe) cough. So, you know, grandma & my memory FTW. But it does make me want to scour WebMD for common (and uncommon) kid ailments and their treatments.
D: You’re also always on The Twitter, getting advice and info from a million people. I’m sure you could whip up some firsthand info in a jiffy if push came to shove. And of course, if push really came to shove, I’d just race to the ER, with my cell phone out, checking on what I need to do. But still…
M: Thank the internet for a lot of my random knowledge, definitely. But I think the biggest thing is recalling that info in a stressful, freaky situation.
D: Without looking like the biggest douche in the known world, I do have to wonder out loud how much harder and freakier it must have been for new parents or parents who didn’t live near family in the days before the Internet. I know there was the phone, but having that instant access to data literally onscreen at your fingertips is pretty handy.
M: REALLY handy. Thank the Dr.’s Google and Twitter.
D: Always On Call™.