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…About How Much to Worry About Behavior at Daycare

by The Momma on March 9, 2012

The Daddy: Daycare Behavioral Issues- How Much to Worry, and How Much to Let it Go?

The Momma: You know, this one is hard. I’m not sure if it’s harder BECAUSE he’s only in 2 days a week, or if would be even worse if he was a full-timer, but it’s hard to get a sense of how best to handle this.

D: Agreed. Would he do better with more interaction with more kids, more often? Would it be worse? And then of course, if it is worse, how does it feel to think we may have “the problem rowdy child” of the group (though I think we both know HE wouldn’t be the one of his group).

M: Ugh. Plus there’s the question of whether part of the problems comes from things being handled differently at home than at school? Because there’s bound to be differences.
M: All in all, a less than fun element of this daycare thing.

D: Right, should we be more adapting to how the process is handled there? Because I know it’s crazy to expect them to adapt to each kid’s parents’ method of teaching and discipline. Once again, this will probably get chalked up to another overthinking thing, and it will probably get resolved on its own, but again there’s that uncertainty thing. How much should we be concerned versus how much are we going to overcorrect?

M: Well, I mean, I think there’s overthinking, and then there’s worrying that your kid is on route to being the disruptive kid in the class–one is a problem we clearly have (overthinking), but if the kid is acting up in class (and not listening, not following directions, etc), I think it’s important that we figure out how to address those things.

M: Sure a big part of it is that he’s TWO, but I don’t think that addressing the challenges in this case is overthinking.

D: No, but staying aware of keeping in mind that this could just be part a developmental phase- ironically something specifically that I should keep in mind more than you. We need to address the behavior, we need to always be diligent with teaching him how to be civilized, but some of the frustration could also be in his language development, we’ve already seen that as that gets better, his behavior, mood and all-around jackassery gets better.

M: True, all very true. I mean, we’ve seen leaps and bounds forward in the last few weeks as his language has exploded. And his teachers have acknowledged that too.

D: We could just very well be in the middle of a transition period and thus the question- how much to worry? Argh. This parenting thing is a real bitch for someone who’s so used to looking for clear, logical solutions. Complicated difficult solutions, to be sure, but still. Answers. Time seems to be the new barometer for experience.

M: I think this is one of our biggest struggles as parents–removing our need to analyze and clarify and logic our way to an answer. Because kids, man. They defy logic.

D: It’s this weird confluence of letting go of control and at the same time, trying to frame a structure to let this thing you love, that’s under your care and guidance, thrive in the best manner possible. It’s like you take your entire lifetime of experiences and knowledge and use it abstractly, while embracing the idea that at the end of the day, you ultimately have no control over this experience.

M: Oh man, not having control. It’s hard. Particularly when it feels SO important.

D: I’m sure that’s the rub. The feeling of an urgent need for control in an uncontrollable situation:

Parenting- you’re not in controlâ„¢.

M: Ain’t that the truth?

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

melanie Juneau March 10, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I found that ignoring the bad and praising the good worked like magic. I could give you a hundred examples -melanie

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